French Onion Poop and Caramelized Onions

For some reason, most people do not seem to understand how to caramelize onions (or what it even means) and thus make crappy onion soup.  I refer this as french onion poop because it tastes like shit.  When I cook something, even if I've done it before and know how I want to make it, I often look up recipes anyway to see if I find some new or interesting twist.  One recipe where I'm always annoyed is onion soup.  The key top good onion soup is a LOT well caramelized onion.  But i'd say the majority of recipes online start something like this:

Directions - serves 4

1. Melt butter or margarine in a 4 quart saucepan. Stir in sugar. Cook 3 thinly sliced onions over medium heat for 10 minutes, or until golden brown.
2. Stir in flour until well blended with the onions and pan juices. Add water, wine, and beef broth; heat to boiling. Reduce heat to low. Cover soup, and simmer for 10 minutes.
   

10 minutes and 3 onions? Hell no! Now here's Alton Brown's recipe:

Once butter has melted add a layer of onions and sprinkle with a little salt. Repeat layering onions and salt until all onions are in the skillet. Do not try stirring until onions have sweated down for 15 to 20 minutes. After that, stir occasionally until onions are dark mahogany and reduced to approximately 2 cups. This should take 45 minutes to 1 hour. Do not worry about burning

See, an hour and 15 minutes and you reduce 4 lbs of onion to 2 cups. And of course you should add a little salt to help draw moisture out of the onions and I throw in a bit of brown sugar, maybe a tablespoon, in the last 15 minutes to add to the caramelization and sweetness. It should look like this:

awesome

Not this:

shitty

The process takes TIME, but if you're making your own onion soup, chances are you're a a pretentious yuppie or hipster and have plenty of fucking time. You can wait an extra hour before heading to the fake speak easy to get an old fashioned.